I went back to work today, and I hated it. I could feel my happiness draining from me as the day dragged on. The best parts were lunch and when everyone came to say hi as they realised I was back. Since that won't last, neither will I at this job. I've been thinking and thinking and thinking over and over and over it and I am soooo way over thinking about it. (and talking about it, poor Honey! Thanks for listening!)
I wrote down a list of pros and cons. While their are negatives to me resigning, their are many more positives. I started writing down words to describe how I feel when I wrote among other things "Confusion and indecision". That's when I realised I needed to decide and not "think" about it for another day. All this thinking was just turning into a hidden way of saying procrastination and driving me nuts. I didn't even feel like I could say the prayer for FHE tonight cause my head was not in the right space. Not good.
"Worrying is like a rocking horse...it keeps you moving but it gets you nowhere"
So I've decided to resign. I was going to write a million things here to explain my decision, but I feel now that it's made, it's made and I don't need to expain it and go over and over it. A funny thing happened tonight. I went downstairs to talk about it with my Mum and Dad and I was amazed because she listened and she didnt disagree, and there were points were I would normally go off the deep end when Dad disagreed with me and we'd end up arguing about it, but I stayed calm, and it made such a difference. She just wanted to know in the end, for their new house, do they include me in the plans or not? No mum, I really am moving to Utah. I don't think she's quite got it yet :)
So tomorrow I'll hand in my resignation and be done with it. Now I can move on and start looking forward to what's next. I have an excited feeling when I think about looking for a position and updating my CV and going for interviews. So I think that's a good sign.
Thats the end of that!
No comments:
Post a Comment